Self-Love: What the heck does this even mean?
“Practice self-love” is advice we hear everywhere—but for many people, it can feel vague, unrealistic, or even uncomfortable. In therapy, we often discover that self-love isn’t about bubble baths, positive affirmations, or constant confidence (although, a bubble bath can be just lovely). It’s about building a respectful, compassionate relationship with yourself—especially when things are hard.
What Self-Love Really Means
From a therapeutic perspective, self-love is not narcissism or avoidance of responsibility. It is the practice of treating yourself with the same care, patience, and understanding you would offer someone you deeply care about.
Self-love includes:
Acknowledging your emotions without judgment
Setting boundaries, even when it feels uncomfortable
Allowing yourself to rest without guilt
Speaking to yourself with kindness rather than criticism
At its core, self-love is about safety—creating an internal environment where you are not constantly under attack by your own thoughts.
Why Self-Love Can Feel So Hard
Many people struggle with self-love because of past experiences. Trauma, chronic stress, criticism, or conditional love can teach us that our worth depends on performance, productivity, or pleasing others. Over time, self-criticism can feel “normal,” while self-compassion feels foreign or undeserved.
If self-love feels difficult, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong—it often means you learned survival skills that once protected you.
Self-Love as a Skill (Not a Personality Trait)
Self-love is not something you either have or don’t have. It’s a skill that can be practiced and strengthened over time.
Some small, realistic ways to begin:
Notice your inner dialogue and work to pause harsh self-talk
Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” rather than “What’s wrong with me?”
Practice saying no without over-explaining
Allow mistakes to be moments of learning instead of self-punishment
These moments may seem big or small, but they create powerful shifts in how you relate to yourself.
The Role of Therapy in Building Self-Love
Therapy provides a space to explore where your beliefs about yourself came from—and whether they still serve you. Through a safe, supportive relationship, therapy can help you practice self-compassion, rebuild trust in yourself, and develop healthier patterns of self-talk and care.
Self-love doesn’t mean you never struggle. It means you stop abandoning yourself during those struggles.
A Gentle Reminder
You don’t have to earn rest, kindness, or compassion. You are worthy of care simply because you exist. Self-love is not a destination—it’s a daily practice of showing up for yourself, even imperfectly.
If you’re curious about exploring self-love in a deeper, more supported way, therapy can be a meaningful place to start.
